Mom Jobs
Last night, as I was scrolling through Pinterest, I saw this:
I tried to answer the question, but found myself having many thoughts on this. Having been a stay-at-home mom for 4+ years and then working this past year, I found that both have their pros and cons.
For me, the decision to stay home with my first child was made solely because I didn't really like my job that much. Also, the thought of having a stranger take care of my baby all day made me nervous and sad. As my maternity leave was nearing an end though, my plan to quit my job and stay home turned into going back just part-time. I missed working and having some place to be. I worked just two days a week and we found a sitter near my office who we felt very comfortable with. Two years later when I got pregnant with Wyatt, I decided to go ahead and stay home full time. I quit work 6 months before he was born, so that I could spend some quality time with Rylee before her only-child status ended.
I very much enjoyed being a stay-at-home mom. It was amazing to have free reign of our schedule and do as we pleased. I always felt like we got to experience so many more things than kids who were at daycare. It was of course also nice to never miss any milestones the children hit. I genuinely liked spending time with my kids, even if we weren't really doing anything together. Just being under the same roof all day was comforting and enjoyable.
Until it wasn't.
I think many stay-at-home parents hit a wall around 4pm. From that time until the other parent gets home from work, is the longest part of the day. And then when spouse walks in the door...."Tag, you're it!" Probably more times than not, I was begging to leave the house, alone, once James got home. Even if that just meant going for a walk. I felt the need to change scenery and not be needed even if it was just for 20 minutes. It's exhausting to be at little humans' beck-and-call all.day.long!! And all of those projects I wanted to get to...yeah, plan to only work on a little at a time. Or, get frustrated when the kids disturb my project and take it out on them. That's what I usually did, unfortunately. I definitely didn't have my best foot forward when James came home and he rarely got quality attention from me, nor much of a happy Emily.
This all changed when I started working this past year. However, I still wasn't super bubbly Emily in the evenings, because instead of being tired from kids, I was tired from work and then trying to cram as much in as I could in the 90 minutes I had between getting off work and picking up kids from school/daycare. The plus side though, is that I wasn't feeling a need to leave all the time anymore. Instead, I actually just wanted to stay home and go to bed at 7 pm. During the winter, I definitely had some winter blues! Going to work in the dark and only seeing the sun for a couple of hours every day, was not good for my soul. I had zero motivation to do anything after work.
Not seeing my kids all day like I did as a SAHM, didn't have much effect on me. I saw Rylee quite a bit at school, which was awesome. Wyatt just cries all dang day, so I sure didn't miss that while I was at work. HOWEVER -- I'd like to point out that he is an ANGEL at daycare. Every teacher he has had, has told me they wish they could replicate him. "He's so good. He's a great listener and follows directions so well." I guess I'd rather have him be good at daycare than naughty, but it's still hard to hear that when he is so whiney at home.
After a bad meltdown a few days ago, I decided there just must be something wrong with him. I contemplated making a doctor appointment to have his head examined. Instead, I just did what every parent does....Googled the issue. I found an article that says a child cries so much because they don't feel close enough to their parents. Hmm.... while I don't believe everything I read on the internet, this actually hit home with me. I thought of how many times a day we tell Wyatt, "Not now. Maybe later. Go ask your sister to help you," etc. He probably doesn't feel very close to us. It makes sense. Plus, he got shipped off to daycare at age 2, when Rylee got to start staying home with Mommy before she turned 2. Even now, he goes to daycare while Rylee and I do fun summer stuff. This is mostly because we didn't want to change his routine. Poor kid really does get the shaft way too much.
So, now I need to give my son more quality attention, but I'm supposed to work this fall and am planning for him to go to daycare half days, opposite of preschool. This is where I get the mommy-guilt. Until now, I really didn't feel it when I worked this past school year. I kept him home from daycare yesterday and we went on a mommy-son date in the morning while Rylee was at her summer program. I'm feeling bad about all the times I've just sent him to daycare to not have to deal with his crying. Ugh! We put a band-aid on an issue instead of dealing with the cause. That being said though, he does enjoy daycare and loves his friends there.
Regarding house work, as a SAHM, I felt like I had to always have a clean house because someone who is home all day should have time to keep the house clean (this is just what I thought others would think). I also didn't want James to think I didn't do anything all day, so I definitely felt the pressure. As a working parent though, I create my own pressure to keep the house clean, because cleaning is just one more thing I don't have time for now and if we can just keep it clean together, I won't have to spend my evenings or weekends cleaning when I'd rather be doing a million other things. Having less time at home, I'd like to have a clean and clutter-free house to create space for motivation to get other things done (like make supper and do laundry and other projects I need to do).
Friends. I definitely made way more time for friends as a SAHM. There were always play dates during the day, and SAHM's getting together in the evenings to save our sanity. Now, I rarely make time for friends. I'm too tired after work and don't want to miss out on time with my family. It's interesting how that changed so much for me. I'd definitely like to do more with my friends, I just feel guilty leaving my family now. That so wasn't me a couple years ago! I've found that my best friend time now is exercising together. I kill two birds with one stone. I am in a playground work-out group now with some co-workers I enjoy...I get sunshine, fresh air, exercise and social time all at once.
Last week I had some wonderful good-for-the-soul friend dates while Rylee was at yoga camp!! On the first day of camp, my friend and I walked for an hour and then stopped into a cafe for tea and lemonade where we ran into some other moms we knew and we talked to them for an hour. On the second day, we drove to campus (my favorite part of Ames!) and had coffee on the patio of a cute restaurant I'd never been to before, followed by a walk through one of our favorite super adorable neighborhoods. On the third day, we spent 90 minutes soaking up sunshine and floating around the lazy river at the pool - it was bliss!!
I think what I gained most by working this past year, is the appreciation for how my husband feels all the time, being a full-time employee. Coming home after a long day, tired and then having to start jobs #2 and 3 (father and husband). I get why he didn't love having me leave after he got home from work, and why he asks me not to overbook our evenings. Working on top of being so many other things is quite tiring. Not to mention, it just zaps your time. It's hard to do everything you want to do (or your family wants you to do) when you are a working parent.
At the end of the day, I say both jobs are equally challenging for different reasons and both jobs are also good for our souls, as well as our families (as long as you like your job). It's just a choice that we have to decide on together as a family. And just as I did, sometimes we have to try out all of our options to find what works. Maybe each year is different, depending on what your family needs are. There's no shame in being a stay-at-home mom, just as there is no shame in being a working mom. Happy is always the best choice!!
For any stay-at-home parents who may be considering getting back into the working world...working at a school is a great place to start. Having the same schedule as your kids has many perks and makes the transition into working a lot easier.
Kuddos to you, for whatever job you have! Hopefully you enjoy it and it's good for your family.
I tried to answer the question, but found myself having many thoughts on this. Having been a stay-at-home mom for 4+ years and then working this past year, I found that both have their pros and cons.
For me, the decision to stay home with my first child was made solely because I didn't really like my job that much. Also, the thought of having a stranger take care of my baby all day made me nervous and sad. As my maternity leave was nearing an end though, my plan to quit my job and stay home turned into going back just part-time. I missed working and having some place to be. I worked just two days a week and we found a sitter near my office who we felt very comfortable with. Two years later when I got pregnant with Wyatt, I decided to go ahead and stay home full time. I quit work 6 months before he was born, so that I could spend some quality time with Rylee before her only-child status ended.
I very much enjoyed being a stay-at-home mom. It was amazing to have free reign of our schedule and do as we pleased. I always felt like we got to experience so many more things than kids who were at daycare. It was of course also nice to never miss any milestones the children hit. I genuinely liked spending time with my kids, even if we weren't really doing anything together. Just being under the same roof all day was comforting and enjoyable.
Until it wasn't.
I think many stay-at-home parents hit a wall around 4pm. From that time until the other parent gets home from work, is the longest part of the day. And then when spouse walks in the door...."Tag, you're it!" Probably more times than not, I was begging to leave the house, alone, once James got home. Even if that just meant going for a walk. I felt the need to change scenery and not be needed even if it was just for 20 minutes. It's exhausting to be at little humans' beck-and-call all.day.long!! And all of those projects I wanted to get to...yeah, plan to only work on a little at a time. Or, get frustrated when the kids disturb my project and take it out on them. That's what I usually did, unfortunately. I definitely didn't have my best foot forward when James came home and he rarely got quality attention from me, nor much of a happy Emily.
This all changed when I started working this past year. However, I still wasn't super bubbly Emily in the evenings, because instead of being tired from kids, I was tired from work and then trying to cram as much in as I could in the 90 minutes I had between getting off work and picking up kids from school/daycare. The plus side though, is that I wasn't feeling a need to leave all the time anymore. Instead, I actually just wanted to stay home and go to bed at 7 pm. During the winter, I definitely had some winter blues! Going to work in the dark and only seeing the sun for a couple of hours every day, was not good for my soul. I had zero motivation to do anything after work.
Not seeing my kids all day like I did as a SAHM, didn't have much effect on me. I saw Rylee quite a bit at school, which was awesome. Wyatt just cries all dang day, so I sure didn't miss that while I was at work. HOWEVER -- I'd like to point out that he is an ANGEL at daycare. Every teacher he has had, has told me they wish they could replicate him. "He's so good. He's a great listener and follows directions so well." I guess I'd rather have him be good at daycare than naughty, but it's still hard to hear that when he is so whiney at home.
After a bad meltdown a few days ago, I decided there just must be something wrong with him. I contemplated making a doctor appointment to have his head examined. Instead, I just did what every parent does....Googled the issue. I found an article that says a child cries so much because they don't feel close enough to their parents. Hmm.... while I don't believe everything I read on the internet, this actually hit home with me. I thought of how many times a day we tell Wyatt, "Not now. Maybe later. Go ask your sister to help you," etc. He probably doesn't feel very close to us. It makes sense. Plus, he got shipped off to daycare at age 2, when Rylee got to start staying home with Mommy before she turned 2. Even now, he goes to daycare while Rylee and I do fun summer stuff. This is mostly because we didn't want to change his routine. Poor kid really does get the shaft way too much.
So, now I need to give my son more quality attention, but I'm supposed to work this fall and am planning for him to go to daycare half days, opposite of preschool. This is where I get the mommy-guilt. Until now, I really didn't feel it when I worked this past school year. I kept him home from daycare yesterday and we went on a mommy-son date in the morning while Rylee was at her summer program. I'm feeling bad about all the times I've just sent him to daycare to not have to deal with his crying. Ugh! We put a band-aid on an issue instead of dealing with the cause. That being said though, he does enjoy daycare and loves his friends there.
Regarding house work, as a SAHM, I felt like I had to always have a clean house because someone who is home all day should have time to keep the house clean (this is just what I thought others would think). I also didn't want James to think I didn't do anything all day, so I definitely felt the pressure. As a working parent though, I create my own pressure to keep the house clean, because cleaning is just one more thing I don't have time for now and if we can just keep it clean together, I won't have to spend my evenings or weekends cleaning when I'd rather be doing a million other things. Having less time at home, I'd like to have a clean and clutter-free house to create space for motivation to get other things done (like make supper and do laundry and other projects I need to do).
Friends. I definitely made way more time for friends as a SAHM. There were always play dates during the day, and SAHM's getting together in the evenings to save our sanity. Now, I rarely make time for friends. I'm too tired after work and don't want to miss out on time with my family. It's interesting how that changed so much for me. I'd definitely like to do more with my friends, I just feel guilty leaving my family now. That so wasn't me a couple years ago! I've found that my best friend time now is exercising together. I kill two birds with one stone. I am in a playground work-out group now with some co-workers I enjoy...I get sunshine, fresh air, exercise and social time all at once.
Last week I had some wonderful good-for-the-soul friend dates while Rylee was at yoga camp!! On the first day of camp, my friend and I walked for an hour and then stopped into a cafe for tea and lemonade where we ran into some other moms we knew and we talked to them for an hour. On the second day, we drove to campus (my favorite part of Ames!) and had coffee on the patio of a cute restaurant I'd never been to before, followed by a walk through one of our favorite super adorable neighborhoods. On the third day, we spent 90 minutes soaking up sunshine and floating around the lazy river at the pool - it was bliss!!
I think what I gained most by working this past year, is the appreciation for how my husband feels all the time, being a full-time employee. Coming home after a long day, tired and then having to start jobs #2 and 3 (father and husband). I get why he didn't love having me leave after he got home from work, and why he asks me not to overbook our evenings. Working on top of being so many other things is quite tiring. Not to mention, it just zaps your time. It's hard to do everything you want to do (or your family wants you to do) when you are a working parent.
At the end of the day, I say both jobs are equally challenging for different reasons and both jobs are also good for our souls, as well as our families (as long as you like your job). It's just a choice that we have to decide on together as a family. And just as I did, sometimes we have to try out all of our options to find what works. Maybe each year is different, depending on what your family needs are. There's no shame in being a stay-at-home mom, just as there is no shame in being a working mom. Happy is always the best choice!!
For any stay-at-home parents who may be considering getting back into the working world...working at a school is a great place to start. Having the same schedule as your kids has many perks and makes the transition into working a lot easier.
Kuddos to you, for whatever job you have! Hopefully you enjoy it and it's good for your family.
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